JS DIARY

조회 수 3160 2004.06.16 23:37:34
thepen
Oppa refers to whom Jun Suu calls brother. (San Juu and her step brother)
The diary of Jun Suu..(as a young girl)

I’ve never seen Oppa this sad before. As we stood at the beach an hour ago, placing the ashes into the sea…giving our last respect as the waves swept them away…away from us..I cried.
Oppa was frantically crying out for uncle…almost plunging himself into the cold waters…as if going after uncle. If father had not held on to him tightly…I don’t know what might have happened to him. I knew exactly how he felt. The deep sense of…lost. I felt that way too…during mother’s death. When mum’s ashes were thrown into the sea…I suddenly felt memories…all of them…rushing through my head. The scenes just played on…scene after scene. Those precious moments…mum…I miss you…


The arrival of Yuri and evil step-mother.

My heart feels as if it’s going to tear into pieces. Father…my only hope…my protection…how could he fall into the poison of that evil and pretentious woman?! How could he believe her instead of me!? If only I have the strength…I would not have kept quiet. I remember, just before mum’s death, dad told me about her eye cancer. I knew from then on…she was going to leave me…anytime. In that…I started feeling a deep sense of insecurity. It’s as if…my hope and happiness are all abandoning me. I feel worse…now…really. I thought that the presence of Yuri and that woman would bring life and euphoria into me again…seeing my father happy.
I hoped for a security that was once lost and….never is mine now.  These strangers…intruders… Yuri and that woman…made me an outcast in my own life. They stole my father. And now…they try to steal Oppa from me. I wish I could tell Oppa about my dilemma…but I just can’t place my feelings into words. Oppa’s going away for a long time now…who’s going to protect me now…God…help me. Oppa…come home soon…

Jun Suu as an adult : Step brother’s death

Oppa ! I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it! Hubby must have mistaken everything. Oppa couldn’t have died. He would not leave me! These eyes…they are not his…no. They’re from another donor…not Oppa…no….not Oppa!  Oppa will always be here for me. When I was young, bullied cruelly by Yuri and stepmom…Oppa was there. He cared for me…he defended me! When I’m all grown up…Oppa is still here…caring for me always. I could still feel his palms touching my forehead when I was sick…it’s impossible that he is gone. NO! Oppa wouldn’t…

Before death

I feel…very weak …I guess…it’s not long now. Oppa…my dear Oppa… I am sorry that I have to leave you for now.  I was afraid when the sun vanished from my sight…when I went blind.  I am still afraid now…but I am fortunate to have you with me.  You give my the hope that I needed so much. I am sorry that I have to leave you now. But…we’ll meet again.

댓글 '3'

noor

2004.06.17 11:16:34

wow, your english version of JeongSeo diary is very good. It makes my heart cry. Thanks thepen

Jennifer O

2004.06.17 23:45:43

My heart aches so much.... it's so touching.. I will love to keep this precious "diary" of Jungsuh. Thank you very much, thepen!

Tan Li Li

2004.06.18 00:20:46

Dear Thepen,
Thanks for the english version of Jungsuh's diary. I can't hold my tears from dropping when I read the part on "before death"! It really brings me back to the scene when she is leaving to heaven! Sob...sob.....
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